Celebration of Singleness

In a world obsessed with relationships, it can be hard to be single, there seems to be no way of avoiding the world’s obsession either, almost all forms of entertainment; films, TV series, books, will have a relationship in it, regards of how central it is to the plotline. This leads us to believe the lie of society: being single is not okay. Yes, being is single is currently quite popular, but that is only because it allows a greater freedom in dating, people are still searching for a romantic relationship, they’re just not willing to commit, they want the physical intimacy without the vulnerability and potential pain of emotional involvement.

So, when I mean celebrating singleness, I mean celebrating being single with no dating, no searching for ‘The One’, no random hook-ups, I mean just enjoying being single.

Celebrating in your singleness is hard, because we’ve unconsciously taken on so many of the lies that society has taught us to believe without really considering them. Because we are constantly shown a glorified version of relationships (that they all lived happily ever after) we decided that the grass is greener on the other side, and don’t recognise we are lucky to be single and that there are advantages to it. But I admit, it’s hard, in a world where we wear glasses that look at the world through lens that say ‘relationships are right’ to see these advantages for what they are. In fact, when I struggle with my singleness, I see that sacrificing these advantage is a good deal in return to the advantages of a relationship.

But partly what I see as advantages of a relationship, aren’t actually an advantage, it’s a lie I’m believing. When I get in that place and ask myself ‘why is it that you think being in a relationship will solve how you are feeling’ I generally come up with three issues/lies I’m believing:

1) All the pain and brokenness in me will magically disappear in a relationship.

In a world when partners are called ‘your other half’ it’s not really a surprise that on a subconscious level we believe this. When dealing with low self-esteem it’s easy to think that you are incomplete by yourself, and that actually all that brokenness you feel inside would be sorted by being in a relationship. I’m not claiming to be an expert in relationships, but even I can tell you, two broken people don’t make a whole person. In fact, they make two broken people who now have to deal with their own and someone else’s brokenness (which may actually generate an increase in brokenness.)

Therefore, I actually need to start working on that brokenness within me, which so often leads me to point number two.

2) My identity is in my relationship status.

In celebrating singleness we need to break the lie that our identity is found in a romantic relationship, as a Christian I believe it is, but that relationship is with God, my Father, my Saviour, my Comforter, not man (and by that I mean humankind). My identity comes from who I am, who God says I am and not what the world says I am, or what ‘labels’ I have. My identity isn’t in my singleness, just as it isn’t in being a girlfriend. 

3) Loneliness being the product of singleness.

It’s not. Loneliness is the product of not investing in our friendships, yes sometimes when all our friends are in relationships, this makes this investment harder, but being in a relationship ourselves won’t solve that loneliness. In fact, several people have told me that being in a relationship was the loneliest time of their lives.

 

I’m not trying to say that being single is easy, it’s not, but don’t believe that being in a relationship is an easier. But, if don’t fight the lies you personally are believing about singleness and relationships you are never going to be able to enjoy being single. And that is a shame. If I don’t learn to embrace being single now, when it’s relatively easy, I’m going to spend the rest of my life searching for ‘the one’ always on the lookout for perfect relationship and being disappointed when no one can fulfil that. I need to embrace my singleness so I can walk away, unafraid of what the future might hold, if I can see a romantic relationship I’m in getting unhealthy or destructive. But most of all, I need to celebrate my singleness now so I can enjoy living in this moment rather than living in hope for a future which may never come.