Loving God with a sinner's heart

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:36-50

I don’t know about you, but that passage really challenges me. Why? Because I think, I can often be like Simon the Pharisee. I obey “the law”, I live a “good life” and even better, I’m Jesus friend. But I’m keen to forget the fact that by obeying the law, I often become legalistic in my lifestyle, that I only have a good life not a perfect one, and that Jesus is my friend because he was first my Saviour. But, that selective forgetfulness is an issue. By forgetting that Jesus Christ is my Saviour, I often feel I can start to love him less, because I also forget just how desperately I need him in my life.

By forgetting about my sinful life and by rationalising the sin in my life as only natural, I end up editing myself. I present myself to God as a better version, which is an issue in itself. But when I do that, I also reduce the debt that I perceive to owe God, and so like in Jesus’s parable my love for God decreases. Like Simon, I only love God a little. I don’t offer to wash his feet, or anoint his head with oil, or even give him a kiss. By rationalising the sin in my life, I no longer perceive my need for my Saviour Jesus Christ and become content with Jesus my friend.

In contrast, the sinful woman is fully aware of her sin, and by her very awareness of her own shortcomings, she enters Jesus’s presence with a much greater attitude of love. Yes, the expensive perfume that she poured on Jesus’s head would have probably been bought using the money gained through prostitution, but she is honouring and worshipping God where she is at.

Whilst we shouldn’t be living lives that embrace sin, we can (and should) as this passage shows celebrate and worship Jesus for coming to and dying for us in order to save us from ourselves. Regardless of our sin, whether we perceive it to be big or small, we need to be worshipping God because of what he’s done for us. I think it’s important to remember that we’re never going to be perfect enough to worship God on our own, because for God: sin is sin. There is no hierarchy, it’s just sin. The only way we can come to God, is through the purifying blood of Jesus.

So like the sinful woman, let’s get honest with God, acknowledge not justify our sin, and love him more because of our need for him.

When we’re struggling with our sin, let’s cry out in our desperation, asking him to come into the situation, rather than push him further away because of what we’ve done.

And in doing so, let’s worship God with all of our life, repent of our sin and embrace our Saviour showering him with our love from the bottom of our hearts because we know how much we desperately need him.

(This blog was originally posted on www.belfreystudents.org/blog)

Are you a Mary or a Martha?

Going home for the Christmas holidays can be a perfect time to reflect. To look back upon the last term, to remember what you heard God was saying into your life and work out whether you have responded to him. To reflect on how you’ve spent your weeks; work out what you’ve enjoyed and what you want to change. So, to help you reflect on your autumn term, I want you to consider this story of Martha and Mary from Luke 10:38-42.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I don’t know about you, but my natural default is being a Martha. I enjoy being busy, I enjoy serving God, but like Martha, I can often become distracted and worried rather than trusting in God. Martha loved Jesus; she welcomed him into her home and then busied herself making a meal for Jesus and his disciples. Why? Martha wanted to give Jesus the best that she could and that’s amazing. But she was doing it in her own strength; she got distracted by what she felt that she “needed” to achieve, rather than what Jesus wanted her to do, which was for her to spend time with him, to sit at his feet with Mary and listen to him.

How often do we try and become more servant-hearted to please God, to an extent where it becomes the focus of our lives? That we forget about the God we are serving because we become too distracted by our acts of service to him. Like Martha, we shouldn’t take our eyes of Jesus. Think about what Martha was doing, she was preparing a meal for Jesus, who has the power to feed thousands from just a pack-up. Jesus could have easily prepared the meal himself (and his disciples). But Martha, like I do, like I’m sure we all do, got distracted from the fact that the man she was serving is God and felt she had to do it in her own strength. Martha’s intentions were good, we should be serving God today, she invited Jesus into the situation, but then failed to listen to what Jesus was saying and instead listened to the expectations of her culture. Like-wise, we often invite Jesus into a situation only then to run around him trying to do what we perceive is correct in order to honour him.

Instead, we should be like Mary, we should invite Jesus into our lives and then sit at his feet and listen, to let him change our lives. As Christians our aim is to become more Christ-like, than surely the best way to do so is to sit and his feet and worship him? To love and adore him in order to be able to start acting more and more like him in our everyday life. Instead of trying to prove to Jesus we are worthy of him, let’s fall at his feet and remember we are dependent on his grace. 

(This blog was originally posted on www.belfreystudents.org/blog)

A Day of Rest

When I started my degree, I can remember being challenged to take a ‘rest day’ from my studies. Unfortunately, I thought I knew better, I was a chemistry student, and didn’t they realise I had to study at every available moment? However, the person that challenged me pointed to the biblical teaching on this. Genesis 2:2-3 says:

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

And also the fourth commandment, Exodus 20:8-11

"Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labour and do all you work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor any male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your town. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in it them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

I then started to try and put into place a day of rest, not because I felt like I was commanded to, but because I felt it was important. I still did things which the Pharisees would have taken to be ‘work’, for example a food shop, but I enjoyed a lazy morning, studied God’s work, something that for the rest of the week often had a time limited, and just enjoyed resting. 

So, I want to encourage you to do try and take a day of rest a week. I know there are many arguments not to, but as well as being a style of living commanded by God, I also believe it is beneficial to your health and is also an amazing witness. When your friends are in the midst of exam panic, it can be very difficult to take a day off, but in doing so you’re showing you’re trusting in God rather than your academic success. That you put your dependence on God, rather that on your own ability. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t work, Exodus 20:8 says "Six days you shall labour and do all your work..." which clearly suggests that as God's people we should work hard, and that we can honour God in our studies, but we need to be careful to take the seventh day as a Sabbath, a day of rest. 

Whilst I managed to maintain a day of rest throughout the majority of my degree, I’ve recently found that I’m slipping back into not taking a day of rest. And, consequently, have been re-challenge on the importance of this. God has used several ways in order to get me to stop and listen, to wait and rest in his presence. But the way he has spoken most regularly, and with the deepest conviction, was through his word in the Bible. I’m currently doing the Soul Survivor Bible in a Year, and have just finished Exodus, and over and over again God stresses the importance of resting. Now I’m no longer studying, I can’t use the blanket rule of no chemistry on a Sunday, because work now takes lots of other forms. But, I’ve realised the habits I used to have for a Sunday, being able to have a prolonged time with God, study the bible more in-depth, and also just to physically rest, I’m now missing. And they’re habits I want to get back into.

So, I challenge you: this week re-organise your diary, arrange to schedule your work into 6 days not 7, and take up a day of rest. You can work out what you count as ‘work’ and what is ‘rest’ and make sure you take a day off. 

(This blog was originally posted on www.belfreystudents.org)

Fear of the Lord

It’s very easy to remember that God loves us. We regularly read about it, hear sermons about it and tell each other it. But does this love cause us to respond by burning up in love back to God? Or do we box God down into a more manageable God? Does knowing God's love for us lead to a desire to repent? To do a 180° turn, on those parts of our lives which we know aren't right, that aren't godly. I know I regularly confess (but not repent) to sins which are "only little" or "just a natural response" to a situation. This confession doesn't lead to repentance because, I perceive the sins as "only small", so I don't ask God to change my thought paths. I don't do a 180° turn, because I know God will forgive me because he loves me. 

How often do we use this love as an excuse not to truly repent? To merely confess and then keep going on in the same direction as before. And I wonder how much of this is coming from a lack of fear of God. We remember so many of God’s attractive characteristics that we forget that HE IS GOD. As in GOD, when was the last time you actually thought about what the word God meant. 

I’m currently doing the Soul Survivor Bible in a year, and a couple of weeks ago there were two passages from the old testament which really challenge my perception of God.

This first one was from Psalm 18:7-13

“The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundations of the mountains shook; 

they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils;

consuming fire came from his mouth,

burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down;

dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;

he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him--

the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The Lord thundered from heaven;

the voice of the Most High resounded”

That challenged my perception of God. Big time. This wasn’t a loving Father figure, which God is, but this is a powerful God, burning with a righteous anger. An anger which I am saved of because of his love, and yet I continue to live in sin, confessing but never really repenting of the sins which angers him. Why aren’t I willing to repent, to turn back to God and walk away from my sins. Is it because I don’t fear him? When I read a passage like the one above I do. And whilst I’m fearing him due to the imagery involved, the power of God, I think my fear needs to go deeper, this shouldn’t be a terrified fear but a fear which invokes me to respect him, to live in awe of him and to grow in my submission of him.

The second passage helps me to do this more. It is quite a large passage it only started off as a few verses from the NIV which spoke to me about creation, but when I read the passage in the The Message translation the whole passage made more sense but just seemed to shout out at me about the power and majesty of God. So here is the majority of Job 38 and I’ve annotated again the parts which really blew my mind about God.

Where were you when I created the earth? 

Tell me, since you know so much!

Who decided on its size? Certainly you’ll know that!

Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?

How was its foundation poured,

and who set the cornerstone, 

While the morning stars sang in chorus 

and all the angels shouted praise? 

And who took charge of the ocean 

when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb? 

That was me! I wrapped it in soft clouds, 

and tucked it in safely at night. 

Then I made a playpen for it, 

a strong playpen so it couldn’t run loose, 

And said, ‘Stay here, this is your place. 

Your wild tantrums are confined to this place.’ 

“And have you ever ordered Morning, ‘Get up!’ 

told Dawn, ‘Get to work!’ 

So you could seize Earth like a blanket 

and shake out the wicked like cockroaches? 

As the sun brings everything to light, 

brings out all the colors and shapes, 

The cover of darkness is snatched from the wicked-- 

they’re caught in the very act! 

Have you ever gotten to the true bottom of things, 

explored the labyrinthine caves of deep ocean? 

Do you know the first thing about death? 

Do you have one clue regarding death’s dark mysteries? 

And do you have any idea how large this earth is? 

Speak up if you have even the beginning of an answer. 

Do you know where Light comes from

and where Darkness lives

So you can take them by the hand

and lead them home when they get lost?

Why, of course you know that. 

You’ve known them all your life, 

grown up in the same neighborhood with them! 

Have you ever traveled to where snow is made, 

seen the vault where hail is stockpiled, 

The arsenals of hail and snow that I keep in readiness 

for times of trouble and battle and war? 

Can you find your way to where lightning is launched, 

or to the place from which the wind blows? 

Who do you suppose carves canyons 

for the downpours of rain, and charts 

the route of thunderstorms 

That bring water to unvisited fields, 

deserts no one ever lays eyes on, 

Drenching the useless wastelands 

so they’re carpeted with wildflowers and grass? 

And who do you think is the father of rain and dew, 

the mother of ice and frost? 

You don’t for a minute imagine 

these marvels of weather just happen, do you? 

“Can you catch the eye of the beautiful Pleiades sisters, 

or distract Orion from his hunt? 

Can you get Venus to look your way, 

or get the Great Bear and her cubs to come out and play? 

Do you know the first thing about the sky’s constellations 

and how they affect things on Earth? 

“Can you get the attention of the clouds, 

and commission a shower of rain? 

Can you take charge of the lightning bolts 

and have them report to you for orders?"

I find that passage really makes me consider God afresh. Despite it being several thousand years since Job was written, we (as humanity) are still no closer to knowing how the world was created. And yet God knows. Why? Because he dreamt it all up, he designed it and at his word it came into being. God commands Day and Night, the weather, controls the constellations (that section is even more powerful in the NIV) he knows about everything. And yet, how often do we box him up, to do things in our own strength. THIS IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE and we’re saying to him, just stay there God, I’ve got this sorted. If we box God up we’re not going to grow in a righteous fear of him, we going to stay in a happy, comfortable place safe in God’s love, but not fully realise who God is.

He is a God who loves, the perfect Father, but he is some much more than that so why do we so often limit God the Father to just that? He is a God we can’t even start to get our heads around. He is power and righteousness. He is a creator and he designed you and me. He is justice and salvation. He is so much more than we could ever understand so next time you remember that God loves you, remember just who that God is.

(This blog was originally posted on www.belfreystudents.org/blog)

Beautiful York | Beautiful Love

Returning to York after spending the summer away made me realise just how beautiful York is. In the midst of the busyness of my daily life, I often forget to stop and admire the city streets I’m tearing down, resenting the city walls for just being in the way and never even glancing at the Minster as I rush into Church. I forget just how privileged I am to live in a city as beautiful as York, until I go elsewhere. 

Over the summer I was lucky enough to go inter-railing in Central Europe, which has lot of churches and cathedrals, but, in every one we went in, we used the words “It’s nice, but it’s not as good as the Minster.” This made me think of my faith, my relationship with God. Do I also get so accustomed to the idea that the creator of the Universe calls me his child that I forget how amazing it is? The answer is yes. 

I wonder how often do we, as Christians, forget the beauty of God’s love? Of how special and unique it is? I forget that God knows the depths of my heart, the pieces of me I dislike, that I push away and try not to remember. And yet, despite knowing that, he still loves me. That despite knowing the horrible thoughts that come into my head, the hurtful comments I would never say out loud, he still calls me his daughter. 

And in return for this love, how often do we make other things a priority in our lives, my relationships with friends and family, fears and worries, being driven for success or running from the fear of failure. I know I often do it. I try and seek fulfillment in these things, only to realise once I’m there that the only place for true fulfillment is safe in God’s love, the place I just left. 

So as you walk around York, either as a Fresher exploring the city for the first time, or as a returning student let me challenge you. 

Every time you stop and stare at something beautiful, also think upon the beauty of God’s love for you. Think upon the fact that “you are precious and honoured in my sight” (Isaiah 43:4) that despite knowing the depths of your heart God loved you so much, that he came to Earth as weak and vulnerable baby, that for 30 years he lived as a carpenter in Nazareth in order to spend three years teaching, befriending sinners like you and me, to then be rejected by them all and nailed on a cross to die.

And he did all that knowing that will still reject him today, to gloss over the fact that we are a Christian as we make friends, or as we try an impress people. But Jesus still came to Earth for us, not in order to be served, but in order to give us the opportunity to have a relationship with him, so that God can call us his children and one day will welcome us home.

(This blog was originally posted on www.belfreystudents.org/blog)

Lessons learnt from my day in a wheelchair

As some  of you will know, I have recently broken my big toe and consequently am struggling to walk. Last Saturday was my little sisters 16th birthday, so I went home to celebrate with her and went to Chester Zoo. I knew that 7 hours of none stop walking would be painful so I swallowed my pride and asked if I could be pushed around in a wheelchair, which my wonderful parents agreed to.

Being in a wheelchair meant that people treated me very differently, children stared trying to work out what was wrong with me. Whilst adults were helpful, allowing me closer to exhibits than they would have done otherwise, due to being in a chair. Which got me thinking, how do I treat people differently due to what they are doing/the clothes they're wearing the first time I meet someone. And, that I need to stop that. Firstly, the situation they are in maybe a one off, but secondly (and more importantly) why should a favour someone over someone else due to the first impression they gave off. I should get to know someone before a make a decision about what I think of them.

The second thing the day taught me is a more personal thing. I didn't want to spend the day in the wheelchair, due to knowing it was putting my parents out, who then had to push me round. I didn't feel I was injured enough to ask this of them. The only reason I made myself ask, was so it wouldn't ruined my sisters day. In the same way, when I was ill with depression I didn't want to depend on others because I wasn't ill enough. And I think this is an issue with a lot of mental illnesses. You perceive yourself unworthy of help, because people are more ill than you, and ignore the fact the people you are asking help off are better than you. Why? For me, it was because I didn't want to be perceived as being needy, I wanted to give across the impression of being better than I was, I didn't want to be judged. When I got out the wheelchair, I had a limp, which I felt justified me to everyone else who wondered why I was in the chair. But with mental illnesses, there are very few physical signs which makes it hard for others to see what is wrong.

So my challenge to you is this, next time see meet someone, don't jump to a conclusion about them. You don't know how life has treated them, and may never know, but that doesn't mean you should treat them any differently. For there is likely to be a reason behind the character trait that annoys you, or their outrageous behaviour, but treat them the same and try and get to know the person. And you'll be likely to find many amazing things that makes you forget those first impressions.

A few weeks ago, I was watching Call the Midwife, and one of the main characters was dealing with grief. Another, minor character gave her this advice:

To just keep living, until one day she felt alive again.

This line really spoke to me. When I was dealing with depression, I never really felt alive, I just existed. I didn't feel anything, other than exhaustion and emptiness, and therefore I often felt like I couldn't cope. I felt that this was my new existence, and I didn't feel that it would get any better, in fact, I thought it would always just stay the same. It was awful, how could I say to someone that  I didn't feel alive? The fact you're talking to them clearly dismisses that fact. But, as I've learnt, living and feeling alive, are two separate things. 

Talking from the other end of the tunnel. It does get better, it's easy for me to say that, and I'll admit not every day is great. But, do keep living, because one day, I don't know when, you'll wake up and realise that the emptiness is fading, and the day doesn't look so bad. And then a while later you'll realise that you are are alive, and able to enjoy living life to the full again.

God bless,

Jess

Standing on the Brink of Adulthood

I wrote this whilst returning to York from the Christmas holidays, by no way is it perfect - not even to me - but I feel it sums up the insecurities that I (and I'm sure others) feel as we reach the end of University.

I'm standing on the brink of adulthood

unsure of where to go next.

The life I had planned before me

is coming to an end.

I dreamed of finishing University

with flying colours to my name,

but there my dreaming finished

left for a rainy day.

I guess the dreams then continued 

along a path that was clear to tread,

but now I stand upon the edge,

I know not where to tread.

I feel the weight of expectation,

a job which will make my family proud

I dream a dream, not of wealth nor power,

for my dream is simple, I just wish I'll be happy.

As I stand upon the brink of adulthood,

I do not know what my future brings,

and as my dreams may turn to dust,

upon my Lord I must trust.