Faith, Depression and Lessons learnt.

It's a while since I last blogged, but in my previous blog, Living with Mental health | Depression and Faith, I said that I had learnt a lot of lessons about God through my depression, since then I've had my finals to revise for, then socialising to catch up on and then it ended up being now, and I realised that I had missed blogging, and that I had a promise to upkeep. So, here are some of the lessons I have learnt about the God that I follow, through my period of depression.

• God is a God of love. 

Sounds crazy? My depression was a period of my life where I struggled a lot with my identity, I felt unworthy of anyone's love, let alone a God's love. I was imperfect, struggling to do the simplest of tasks, so how could a God who created the Universe want to love me. And yet, I continued to believe that it was true, admittedly there were periods when I doubted but, in so many places the Bible is clear. God is a God of love. He loves me, he loves you, he loves the world.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believed in him shall not die but have eternal life."

John 3:16 

Verse like that kept me going in the dark times, but also this experience. One evening I was sat in church crying, praying out to God and I felt someone my place their hand on upper arm, I felt the reassuring pressure of their fingers. And yet there was no one there. It felt as thought they had their arm around me, holding me tight, making me feel loved and cared for. But, it wasn't the person next to me as they were using both their hands to hold mine. I believe that presence was God. 

• God keeps his promises

A few weeks after I had been diagnosed with depression, I had a strong conviction, that one day God would  heal me. And whilst I'm not quite there yet, I know my depression no longer affects my daily life, I can live the life I want to live with no fear of a lapse. Why? Because I know my God is with me where ever I go.

"When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rives,

they will not sweep you away.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burnt;

the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2 

• God is a provider

I can safely say that I would not be where I am today it wasn't for God's provision. God provided me with an amazing, loving group of friends, my housemates, my course mates and my friends at church. All of these people have helped me stand on my own two feet. They have helped me stay on track, to pass each year, and to continue with my studying. 

• God is a God of hope

Sometimes, when I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to face the day. I didn't want to face the pain and the hardship, I just want to stay cocoon in bed away from it all.  But sometimes, it got a lot worse than that, I didn't want to face my future. When I was really ill, the future resembled a long dark tunnel, and I couldn't face walking along it because it didn't look any better. But I knew that God would bring light into my situation and with the light he brought me hope. I know that whatever happens in my life, God will bring good out of it, and that gives me a hope to keep on going. 

Whilst you might think I'm mad, for believing in a God who has watched me suffer, I believe that he has suffered with me, and he has suffered more. Because he died for me upon a cross. And he was watched me cry every tear, felt with me the weight of my pain, and has kept loving me. Through my experience I have learnt many things, I have learnt things about myself, about the world and I have learnt about my faith. Whilst I would never wish to go through this again, I am glad that God has used this time of pain to bring goodness into my life.